Top Ten Things that Don’t Work in Malta

1. The Roads. For some reason cheese seems to have been selected as a principal ingredient when the roads in Malta were being laid. There can be no other explanation for the holes and cracks all over them.

malta road

Snapshot of actual road in Malta – April 2015 St Paul’s Bay

2. Democracy. The vast majority of the population vote according to favours done by some local politico for a distant relative back in the 1950’s. And they ain’t switching sides now.

3. Customer Service. TV & internet providers, banks, government offices, transport companies… Don’t bother emailing these places, just attach a hand-written note to the leg of a nearby pigeon and send it off on its way. You will have just as good a chance of getting a satisfactory response.  It’s not just the big companies either – try booking an appointment for the dentist, hairdresser, driving school, dog minder and just about any other service provider you care to mention, and you will also experience the frustration of the terminally ignored.  Okay small business owner, it’s great that you’ve set up that facebook page, now stop posting photographs of adorable kittens and answer my £*&%ing email please!

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Top Ten Crazy Maltese Expressions

Okay so these expressions may sound perfectly natural to the native Maltese speaker, but when translated into English they sound a little…. Strange.

Take a look and see what you think:

Kemm inti basla! – – – – What an onion you are!

– Basically this is a way to call someone an idiot or a dope.

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Top Ten Activities for Kids in Malta

You are visiting Malta with young children, so how best to keep them entertained? 

Ancient ruins and museums may prove a little unexciting for your average 5-year-old, so here are a few alternative suggestions:

10.Adventure Playgound (Ta Qali)

This outdoor adventure playground is found in the National Park in Ta Qali, so there are also a couple of museums and craft stores to visit in the vicinity.

9.Ice Skating/Bowling

Not the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Malta, but there is an ice rink every winter in Bay Street, St Julian’s.  Also in the Paceville area you will find the Eden Superbowl bowling center all year round, right opposite the cinema.

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